every demon wants his angel
by writerofholby
Summary: I guess every demon wants his angel, needs them perhaps. A story in a (slight) alternate universe, following the aftermath of Chloe's rape and the way Evan affected both her, but also Ange!
1. Chapter 1

**hey! this is a new, longer story starring chloe and ange. i hope you enjoy it! the title is a bit of a clue to the storyline, and also** **inspired by the lyrics of shake it out by florence and the machine. enjoy, grace x **

Chloe furiously scratched the barbed tip of her pen up and down her arm. Somehow the repetitive motions seemed soothing, something moving in clear straight lines that she could understand, when nothing else in her head seemed to. As she tapped each letter on the computer, the keys felt eerily cold under her fingertips, reminded her of something... she let her mind drift back to that fateful day. Evan. the scars at the forefront of her head seared. She jolted in her seat as she felt blood trickle down her wrist. She could feel the knife blade icing through her fingers. She felt so out of control, and oh how she hated it. Of course, there was no blood, her head was just so scarred it could conjure up such terror and horror at the click of a button. The feeling that she couldn't understand the things that spiralled around her own mind was scarier than any medical emergency, than any crisis she'd ever been trained for. Even her calm, sensible persona couldn't soothe her when it came to the matter of her own mind. And all of a sudden, the pen clattered to the floor. Her grip had loosened without her noticing as her arms limply flopped to her sides. She couldn't hold herself up when it took all her strength not to scream. "god... why now, not not chloe" her internal monologue wailed like a baby. She felt like a baby. Useless and pathetic. she didn't really know why she was panicking. it had all just got too much all of a sudden. The lights felt like divine angels bearing down on her eyes, the screech of a trolley; sirens wailing. The notches of her skinny spine grinded down the worktop of the nurses station as she collapsed. She had lost... she had lost to the panic that she couldn't even make sense of. She shivered, shook violently. She could barely withhold human instinct as she gasped for breath. The thoughts had spiralled round her head but now it was just a chariot of fire burning... burning... burning...

"CHLOE! CHLOE! ... chloe! chloe!"

Nicky's screams trailed off into a picture of perfect darkness as Chloe let her eyelids judder closed. This time, she was willing to let her self lose to the terror, she was too weak, life had become exhausting, each step felt like a marathon.

She parted her dry lips. Her mouth was parched and her eyes felt glued shut. As she screwed up her face and yawned, she forced herself to look at the chaos she knew she'd be lying in. But no. A fuzzy outline loomed over her. She blinked. She blinked again. "Mum?" Chloe stuttered. Ange's face was ghostly and tear stained, the remains of her desperate pain lingering. "Oh darling, oh darling, my baby girl" Chloe coughed as she began to cry, pushing herself up into her mother's arms. "Hey, hey, you're okay, you'll be okay Chloe" Chloe couldn't force any words from her throat. The tears began to fall, pouring down her cheeks like a waterfall of relief and release. "Fire and water, my baby... let the fire burn and the tears will extinguish it." Ange sighed. How had she ended up like this, cradling her pale, skeletal daughter in her arms. Perhaps life was the fire, and she was Chloe's water, her relief and her hope. Fire and Water... it made sense.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! Sorry this took so long, I've been crazy busy going back to school so this is a bit of a filler chapter but things should pick up soon. Hope you enjoy it! G x **

Ange looked over, nervously nibbling at her lip. She watched the rise and fall of Chloe's chest as she slept, looking settled and at peace. It pained Ange to know the truth of what lay under the surface. Chloe had barely awoken between the on call room, where they'd essentially dragged her, barely conscious, after she'd collapsed, and Ange's sofa. Her mind drifted back, thinking of how she'd had to explain that Chloe wasn't ill, not physically anyway. Mental exhaustion was physically exhausting too, when it got that bad. Ange had felt her heart crack in two as Jac shot her sympathetic, knowing glances over Chloe's shivering body.

"Mum..."

Chloe's awakening mumbling startled Ange, who had drifted away to someplace else. She could see the pure fear in Chloe's eyes. It was heart-breaking.

"wh... where am I" Chloe gasped, gulping for air.

Ange studied the panic rising through her, as if it bubbled up from her toes, rising and falling. She knew that if she let the panic rise far enough, it just engulfed her brain, left her intoxicated with terror. "Chloe!"

She shouted more than she'd have liked, only showcasing her own worry.

"you're on my sofa, you are safe" Her hands resting on Chloe's shoulders, she felt them lifted as Chloe exhaled, releasing a breath she didn't even know she was holding.

"Chloe, talk to me darling, please"

"I'm just exhausted Mum, sorry. I can barely remember a thing"

She stuttered, breathing faster.

"Why am I here? Why aren't I at work?"

Ange knew she best be blunt if Chloe was going to listen long enough to get the message.

"Oh baby, you had a panic attack, you collapsed"

Chloe visibly paled, eyes glassy with shock. Her walls that she'd been building, cultivating brick by brick for years, had been smashed down. They knew. THEY KNEW. Her heart was rattling inside her chest, pounding against her ribs, she felt like she was being compressed. The room was spinning, orbiting Chloe as her world fell apart. She began to gasp for air, fighting against the crushing of her chest, but she didn't see much worth in fighting anymore. She gasped for a few minutes, but it didn't take long for her to see no point in it at all. Mentally, she gave in, and her body did too, falling limply as she wheezed. Her eyes drifted shut, and her mind drifted away.

Ange winced, watching her daughter slip away.

But then she heard Chloe's raspy breath, jolting her back into action.

"Chloe? Chloe?" she pleaded, shaking Chloe's shoulders, desperately trying to pull her back into reality. She was worried that something had gone seriously wrong, and was reaching for her phone to call 999 when Chloe's eyes began to flicker open once again.

"Chloe?"

Chloe sniffled, weakly attempting to hold back the tears. "Mum… Mum… I just gave up, and my body did too." She blinked, letting the tears fall now. " My world went black, I was so... so… so scared. I don't want to lose you. I thought I had nothing left. I thought I couldn't fight anymore, but facing that… it's different."

Twisting Chloe's hair around her fingers, she sighed, she felt broken. How could she have let her daughter be hurt like this.

"Mum, I'm just tired of fighting. Help me… please"

Those words punched a hole in Ange's heart. 'Help me'. It echoed through her head. She felt like such a failure. Why did Chloe feel like she had to ask?

"Yes". That was all Ange could get out.

"Of course I'll help you. Do you want me to help you upstairs? You can have the spare bedroom as yours."

Chloe nodded, too exhausted to speak, everything had just been sucked out of her like a dementor's kiss.

Ange carefully slipped her arm round Chloe's back, taking her weight as they made their way up the stairs. Ange stood in the doorway, watching Chloe virtually crawling into bed.

"I love you"

"I love you too"

And with that, she headed back downstairs to her lonely existence.


	3. Chapter 3

**sorry in the delay of a new chapter! it's a long one to make up for it! please let me know what you think, and constructive criticism, reviews are always welcome. enjoy! G x **

Ange was pleased to hear Chloe's footsteps padding down the stairs, as she sat at the barstool at the kitchen island, sipping coffee, flicking through emails. In all honesty she knew she should be reading them properly, replying even, but her mind was more than just a little preoccupied. Her face washed over with surprise as she turned to face Chloe, leaning against the wall at the bottom of the steps. While the simple act of walking downstairs had obviously tired her, she was no longer the grey skinned shadow that she had been for the past week or so. The cavernous dark circles had faded, partly covered up by the light dusting of makeup over Chloe's face, making her look alive again.

"Wow, Chloe, you look…" Ange stuttered, making herself look a right idiot.

"Oh, I really looked THAT bad the past few days did I?" Chloe questioned, chuckling lightly to herself.

Ange smiled, the corners of her mouth turning up for the first time in a while. She was wildly aware that it could all be a façade but Chloe certainly seemed to be feeling better.

"Do you want some breakfast?" She questioned, spinning around on the stool.

"Sure, but I'll make us something shall I? You hardly inherited Nanas' culinary skills!" Chloe jibed.

That was a miracle in itself, Ange thought to herself. There had been days where Chloe hadn't eaten anything at all. She simply wasn't willing, the act of food entering her mouth seemed like too much to bare. She watched, laced with suspicion, as Chloe busied herself, grabbing eggs and a bowl, practically throwing bread across the kitchen into the toaster. Whilst Chloe seemed happier, verging on back to normal, Ange couldn't help but have a cautious approach. It seemed unnatural for her to have bounced back as quickly as she had. She painfully reflected on her own experience… How had she been back then? She'd regressed into herself, she remembered that much. The drink. The drugs…

_19th May 1990 _

"Angel? Angel? "

She heard her mother call after her as she slid the window shut behind her, tense, holding her breath as she waited for the crashing that would give her away. But no. A miracle had prevailed. She let her body slip off the windowsill, feeling that pure thrill as she fell to the ground, curling onto her side on impact. This was, sadly, an art she'd perfected at this point. But she couldn't stay in that house any longer. Not with him. She felt her feet pounding barefoot along the grass, leaving indents in her mother's perfect lawn; certainly far more perfect, and well cared for, than her daughter would ever be.

She ran and she ran… instinct at this point… until she got to the woods at the edge of the lane. She felt safer near the road, like she could escape. It was weird. That was her first thought, every minute of everyday now. The minute she walked into a room, she'd be planning her escape route, she had to be steps ahead.

Relief washed over her as she reached into the bracken, as her fingers wrapped around a cold glass bottle. Her comfort blanket. Collapsing into the fallen leaves, she pressed the bottle of elixir to her lips. The warm liquid trickled down her throat, dragging the pain with it, out of her mind as she closed her eyes in complete bliss.

_ 2020_

"Mum…" Chloe stuttered tentatively. And then with a stubborn fire, Scottish lilt coming out strong. "I'm going into work today."

Ange couldn't conceal the shock from her face. "You what? You aren't ready Chloe"

"I'm bored here… you can't keep me wrapped in bubble wrap forever…" She huffed.

And it hit Ange. Like a ton of bricks. She saw it in Chloe's eyes. She was running. Just like herself. Albeit in a very different way, she was running, burying the pain deep, pretending it was all normal, like it had never happened. Ange didn't know what to do. She didn't want to wrap her baby girl up forever, but she was scared, blamed herself for all this. Should she let her go? Could she let her go?

Chloe's pleading eyes burnt their way into her mind. What if she was holding Chloe back too much? They were different after all. What if Chloe was okay? What if Ange was only projecting her own deep pain on Chloe?

What if? What if? What if?

"Fine" Ange spluttered feeling the pressure. "You can go get some admin, but you are bringing it straight home again. And I'm coming with you."

She'd managed to stand her ground… a little.

Chloe was surprised. She'd expected more of a battle.

"You okay?" Chloe asked.

"I'm fine, just fine" Ange squirmed in response.

They both made their way up the stairs to Darwin, hand in hand, about as nervous as each other. Chloe was still wary of small, enclosed spaces. She wouldn't take the lift. As she pushed open the doors to the ward, Chloe waited for the glaring looks, raw sympathy, rude curiosity. But there were none, apart from Nicky, who gave her a small supportive smile. That gave her confidence, the world was still turning, she can't have been the gossip of the whole hospital. Knocking on Jac and Kian's office door, she slipped inside.

"Hey Chlo." Kian looked up and smiled. "Can I help you?"

" I was hoping for Jac actually, but thank you" She smiled, with more happiness and normality than Kian had expected.

"Ahh some admin? Jac mentioned it. Second drawer down in her desk." Kian replied, somewhat matter of factly.

Chloe grabbed the paperwork and turned to leave.

"We are all here for you Chloe, you know that?" He spoke quietly, softly.

"Thank you" she choked, slipping out before she embarrassed herself, wiping a lone tear from her cheek.

A young man that she didn't recognise, dressed in navy blue scrubs, smiled at her as she walked back to meet Ange.

"Hi, can I help you?"

He thought she was a patient, or a relative, Chloe realised.

"Oh no, no I'm not a patient. Chloe Godard, CT Registrar" She held out her hand.

"Jamie McKenna, I'm a new CT2 on AAU" He smiled as he shook it.

She liked him, she decided, he was Scottish too. She had backup when Nicky mocked her accent now.

"Nice to meet you… I.. I better be going. It's my day off" She stumbled over her words, stretching the truth. He didn't need her life story.

They were both blushing as they walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

**_hey guys, hope you enjoy this. as ever, reviews and advice or opinions are always much appreciated! G x _**

_2 months later…_

Frantically trying to get away, with bigger priorities than the new case that has just been dragged into AAU, Ange slipped through the double doors. As they swung shut behind her, she took the stairs 2 at a time, virtually throwing herself down headfirst. She was late to meet Chloe for lunch… it was just a quick pit stop in Pulses before her shift, but Ange knew it still meant a lot to Chloe. She knew he'd been to therapy that morning, and whether Chloe would acknowledge it or not, she knew she found it tough.

Whilst she seemed happier, growing in confidence every day, Ange knew her too well. She spotted every nervous glance over her shoulder, wrapping her fingers around each other, twisting her hands in knots under the table. Whether she was waiting for Evan to rise from the dead and slip around the corner, knife in hand, or whether she was just apprehensive of inevitable knowing, well-meaning and sympathetic yet intoxicating glances, well she didn't know.

Knocking the door open with her elbow, still moving at a rate of knots, she narrowly avoided sending one of the porters flying, and came to a stop by the counter. Nervously scanning the tables for Chloe, she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw her sat, smiling at the far end. Yes, she'd tucked herself into the corner, but she was there. There was still a seed of doubt in Ange's mind that had questioned whether she'd be there at all.

Picking up her coffee, and thanking the barista, somewhat absent-mindedly with bigger things on her mind, she walked over to Chloe and sat down.

"Sorry I'm late… it's chaos up on AAU"

"Isn't it always?" Chloe chirped back.

She seemed happy but there was an edge to her voice that Ange couldn't quite place and it made her uneasy.

"Well perhaps! You settled back at the flat okay? Have you got everything you need? You're happy?"

"Whoa, what's with the 20 questions? I'm absolutely fine" Chloe retorted.

Ange was kicking herself, she really shouldn't let Chloe in on her worry… she had more than enough to deal with already.

"Sorry! Sorry! I'm glad you're okay. How's work been?"

Maybe a more subtle approach would work better?

"Oh the usual. It's been nice being back if I'm honest, I feel more like I'm back on my feet with a bit of normality again"

"You aren't rushing things are you? Please be careful…"

She was letting her worry show again. It was like she couldn't resist. Every time she let it show, she hated that little part of herself. But she'd surmised at this point that it was purely her innate nature to do harm to Chloe. As much as she hated it, regretted everything she did, she couldn't help blaming herself. Afterall it had to be her fault. She was the common denominator. Her brain, as ever, was a hypocrite to itself. She desperately wanted to pull Chloe close and never let her go. But at the same time, the voice in the back of her head was screaming, whispers echoing around her head when the voice grew hoarse.

"Mum?" Chloe questioned somewhat nervously, filling Ange with yet more dread.

"Yes?"

"My therapist thinks, you know, after confronting Phoebe and whatnot, that I've made good progress"

Ange sent her a small smile, she was endlessly proud of her daughter, she really was. And while the voice in the back of her head was crying that she couldn't get better this quickly, that she was running from the truth and burying her head under the sand, it was also just a distinct possibility that Chloe was coping with this 10x better than Ange had ever done… a hard pill to swallow. It seemed ironic. Chloe had always struggled; anxiety had crippled her from such a young age. Yet this, phoebe resurfacing, well she'd hardly broken stride.

"and should start focusing on more positive things"

Ange's mind drifted back to the conversation at hand.

"Such as?"

"Career, social life… relationships."

That word tied Ange's stomach in knots.

"She's just encouraging me to feel good about myself, you know, not to be defined by what happened with Evan."

"No. No of course"

Ange wasn't sure if she'd ever pause for breath, or look up from the depths of her reusable coffee cup, of course she had a reusable coffee cup, it's Chloe. Alarm bells rang in her mind, and she watched Chloe spin her fingers around the rubber rim. All these tell-tale signs… would anyone else notice?

Regardless, she looked across supportively, yet her eyebrows were furrowed with deep buried concern. You can tell. She stumbles over her words.

"oh, so what happens now? I mean… hmmm"

Chloe scoffs, as if mocking her mum's innocence.

"I know but it's just so hard to meet people these days. Like, good people, I mean – nice. "

She smiles, and immediately follows Chloe's gaze, spotting Jamie and Cameron stood behind them. She's not sure who Chloe was looking at and well, she really doesn't get the nicest feeling from Cameron, despite everything he's done for her, she can't explain it. She picks her next words carefully.

Chloe shoots her eyes to the floor, anticipating what might come next, the regret written plainly across her face. With a knowing smile, Ange continues.

"You know, there is someone out there for you, when you're ready. Ok, someone who will look after you, care for you. You might have been staring at them this whole time and not even realised."


End file.
